Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
