I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
