Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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