i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
