Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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