shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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