Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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