Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
