Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize