Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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