The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize