He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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