I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
