there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
This is classic penis vs brain.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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