i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My cat gives me a boner
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
