so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm too high and old for this...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
