but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
