I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Found the puke drawer
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
