oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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