she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
