Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Where is the hickey?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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