I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
