May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
