I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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