Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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