if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
