The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
