He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
