I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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