Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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