Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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