Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
