so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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