at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
