Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
