The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You may now shotgun with the bride
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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