i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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