He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
