I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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