Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
