I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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