I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
