We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
