so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
