oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
