Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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