i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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