saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
