turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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