I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
