I cannot find my penis.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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