Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
