Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize