nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
