you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize