Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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