meet me or not, i'm out of control
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize