I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
