And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
