how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
