Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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