Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
