whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize