just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
