I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
