There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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