Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
