margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
