Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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