Don't make out with my wife yet
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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