ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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