well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
