I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
