Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
