That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I need to align my fucking chakras
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
