i permit you to call me
Quick, to the slutcave!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
