I didn't shave. On purpose
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
