Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
