happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
