dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
