Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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