woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
