when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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