This girl is more easily done than said...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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