I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
