He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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