Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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