I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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