Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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