youre lurking in front of me
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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