theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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