Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
