After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
