He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
