Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Pooping to opera.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
