i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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