he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
