where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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