i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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