How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
